


i wanted to stop time for us

by orphan_account



Category: Stellar (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Drug Use, Past Lives, Suicidal Thoughts, actually yes i will mention fiestar members, also this is slightly inspired by xxxholic, gayoung makes edgy jokes sometimes, i am sorry if any of them offend you, i love them though so ill update tags as i go, its just ur average high school joking though nothing too bad, maybe?? idk for now though, mentions of other idols possibly!!, minhyo is a background ship thats not REALLY obvious hopefully, wow this is gonna be angsty as fuck but i cant write anything else tbh, yes i make reference to 1(one) red velvet lyric, yes there is minor character death i believe!!! agh!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 09:15:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13760958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: gayoung had never been alone.never once in her life had her circles been empty. the departure of these people had been a constant too; it should have been okay.but she'd never felt more fulfilled when yoori had been in her life. it only serves to make her emptiness even hollower now.





	i wanted to stop time for us

**Author's Note:**

> guys holy shhit jhfiuhisfhdi IM TAKING A FIC SERIOUSLY WOW  
> please be gentle :'^) its exactly what i said last time but please  
> there will be more updates later, not sure how many chapters though  
> yes this chapter is kind of all over the place but hopefully i can find some way to pull it all together :^D

it's one of those lonely friday nights where nothing but the dull comfort of music can ease the feeling of cracks in her chest. it's cheesy, really, the idea of being alone on a friday, broken heart not on her sleeve but on a grand fucking glass pedestal. but it brings with it a familiar melancholy, so she lets it happen. finally having retrieved her old earphones back from minhee's place, gayoung is able to drown out almost anything painful. she likes to think of it as a personal talent.

****

having gotten used to the feeling of hollowed out, airy earbuds, the full-sounding melody suddenly sounds a lot sadder. were the instrumental harmonies always this mellow? gayoung wonders.

****

it doesn't matter much. it serves to make her sadness even sadder, allows her to mellow in blue.

****

some part of her reminds her, _it's not the first time you've done this._

****

she knows. doesn't need to be reminded that once upon a time, she sported only one earbud but felt music through her entire being.

****

\----------

****

these solo evenings become a constant in her schedule. she never intends to spend hours moping by herself, of course; she never intends to do most of the things she does.

****

it's a rottening habit she needs to cut off before it entwines with infelicitous heartbreak; it's toxic. she had often joked about "listening to sad music during bouts of depression to make your depression worse" (which had been followed by a "fuckin' edgelord" and two different snorts), but it seems to have made itself a reality this time. and yet gayoung simply can't find it in herself to stop, much like the countless other poisonous habits she seems to have an affinity for.

****

at the very least, she hasn't relapsed into alcoholism, much to her surprise. intoxicating tunes mixed into actual intoxication had been a combination that could have worked. would it have been an enjoyable coping mechanism?

****

_"_ _no, no,"_ her mind jumps at the notion out of habit, _"_ _nothing is nice. nothing is enjoyable. not after you left."_

****

her body- she's convinced it's her stupid heart- would have rejected it anyway. when it's nearing impossible to get one of three meals into her body, the mere idea of alcohol would send it spinning before any of the stinging liquid entered her system.

****

(sometimes she catches herself staring blankly at the thin wooden drawer still containing a small, half-empty pack of cigarettes, and wonders why she didn't say anything before.)

****

\----------

****

sometimes her friends haul her out of the cramped apartment by the arm, plopping her down at a café or restaurant with mellow colours and soft lights in hopes that it will distract her from the sharpness that was Her.

****

hyoeun and minhee always have the best intentions, so she smiles through it all. pretends that the softness of new cafés and new parks and new women don't affect her as much as they do, that they don't serve to burn the searing brightness of Jeon Yoori deeper into her heart.

****

they do anyway, of course. because for all of the blinding edges yoori bears, she has an impossibly beautiful soul that reminds gayoung of fluffy snow days, of hazy visions. dreams.

****

she's never understood how anyone could have had the nerve to mar her, paint ugly scars on her heart. better yet, she's never understood how she had let herself hurt her the most.

****

around her, the light chatter between friends and couples continues. her head feels like a watercolor canvas, having never recovered from the first watery coat but still too pale to be anything comprehensible. her mind registers the lyrics pouring gently out of the speakers a second too late; they prompt her to focus her attention entirely on the small cup she's cradling in her hands.

****

_the way back home is too far._


End file.
